With My Whole Heart Forever Read online

  She was glad Ana misunderstood him as well, or she would feel quite silly right now.

  “I did not mean to make anyone uncomfortable,” said Ana.

  “All is well, dear.”

  “But he was looking at you when he said it, so I—”

  Elizabeth tried to smile. “An unfortunate happenstance, that is all.” She looked at Mr. Darcy’s broad back and spoke a little louder. “We all know he meant that your children’s names will be written next to your names, much like yours are written next to your parents’ names, as will his.”

  “Yes,” said Ana. “I guess that is what he meant.”

  She could see the tension in Mr. Darcy’s shoulders ease, even from this distance.

  She and Ana joined him at the pond. Mr. Darcy helped them cross the footbridge. All were quiet during the stroll back to their horses. Again, they spoke little during the return ride.

  Later, when the manor house came into view, Elizabeth moved her horse next to Mr. Darcy. Looking first at him, then at Ana, she said, “Thank you for today. I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed it. I am glad we were able to schedule this outing before I leave Pemberley.” She looked around her. “I love my home county, but I must say I will miss the beauties of Derbyshire.”

  Ana’s smile faded. “I will be sorry to see you go, Lizzy. You will write to me?”

  Elizabeth looked at Mr. Darcy, who nodded his permission. “I will post a letter as soon as I arrive home, which should not be until Friday.”

  “Send it by express,” Mr. Darcy said a little too loudly. His colour rose a bit. “Or else it might not arrive before we leave Pemberley. We must begin our journey to London on Monday. Ana and I shall be interviewing several prospective companions at the end of the week.”

  Elizabeth nodded. “I can send it to your London address, sir. It would save some expense.”

  He waved a hand. “The cost of an express is of no matter to me when I know Ana will worry for you until she hears you have arrived safely.”

  It warmed her heart that he did not spare expense when it came to relieving his sister’s concerns, but it was a good thing that the fee would be his, for she knew her father would not approve the funds.

  The path narrowed up ahead, so Elizabeth slowed her horse to resume her place behind Ana. Ana turned to smile at her, then Elizabeth cast her gaze upon the straight back of the master of the estate.

  She would miss them both very much.

  Darcy stood beside his sister as she waved goodbye. Miss Bennet’s arm extended out the window of their coach, now bound for the Johnstons’ farm. She and the Gardiners would leave Pemberley first thing in the morning.

  He swallowed hard. She is leaving.

  He rolled his shoulders, hoping to ease the weight the thought of never seeing her again had brought down upon them.

  It did not help.

  Earlier, he had felt a little guilty saying it was only Ana who would worry about Elizabeth’s safe journey. She would, but he left out a large portion of the truth, for it would do no one any good to tell her he would be anxiously awaiting her express, as well.

  As the coach moved out of sight, Ana sniffled. He patted the small hand that held onto his arm as if she depended upon him to hold her upright. He shifted his weight, expecting she would turn towards the house, but she stood firm, staring at the spot where the road to the Johnstons’ farm disappeared behind a stand of trees.

  Good heavens. Would Miss Bennet’s leaving send his sister’s disposition into a downward spiral once again?

  In case the negotiations did not go as planned, he had not wished to mention the purchase of the estate in Hertfordshire to his sister, but perhaps he should.

  “I was going to keep this as a surprise…” he hesitated. “I have made a purchase offer for Netherfield Park.”

  Ana slowly turned her head. Tears rolled down her cheeks, unchecked.

  “If all goes well — and I should warn you that, knowing Huxley, it might not — we should take possession before Michaelmas. We shall move in immediately. I would like to oversee the repairs and renovations personally before the harshest weather of winter sets in.”

  What did he say? Move in at Netherfield? Overseeing the day-to-day progress of the improvements had never been in his plans.

  The weight on his shoulders and chest suddenly disappeared. Perhaps it was a sign that this was the correct course, after all.

  Ana wiped her face with a handkerchief and sniffled. “Are you saying you will take me with you?”

  “Yes. You may remember Miss Bennet saying that Netherfield Park is three miles from Longbourn.”

  “Longbourn. Lizzy’s home.” A smile spread across his sister’s features. She wrapped him in a sisterly embrace. “Oh, Fitzwilliam! You are so kind and good, and such a good brother.”

  He returned her hug. “I do this not only for you, Dove. I cannot allow our cousin to mistreat his tenants any longer.”

  Ana nodded against his chest. “I know.” She stepped back and looked up at him. “That is part of what I meant.”

  He cleared his throat. Should he admit that he also wished to ease Miss Bennet’s concerns by helping her father and all their neighbours? If he did, would that give his sister the wrong impression and cause her to hope that her friend might someday become her sister? It might. No, he should keep that information to himself.

  While Elizabeth did not like the rutted roads or stiffness associated with sitting for hours on end in a coach during the long trip home, she did enjoy watching the landscape gradually transform from one area to another as they passed.

  It was during the nights that Elizabeth had time to think, which proved to be problematic.

  Would she ever see her friend again? Of course, in the future, she would send a note to the Darcy townhouse any time she was in Town staying at the Gardiners’, but there was no guarantee Ana would be in London at the same time.

  Elizabeth tried her best not to think about that young lady’s brother, but her efforts were futile.

  After two nights spent at inns with lumpy mattresses, little sleep, and food that was barely tolerable, the scenery changed to that which she had grown up adoring.

  Their arrival at Longbourn was filled with joyful reunions between the Gardiner adults with their children, and Elizabeth with her parents and sisters.

  Once the travellers had freshened up, they all settled in the parlour for tea. Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner were busy catching up with all that their children had experienced during their absence.

  When Elizabeth’s two youngest sisters finished telling her all about the militia regiment that was staying near Meryton for the winter, Elizabeth told her family about the beauties of Pemberley and the Harvest Ball. She then moved towards the writing desk.

  “I hope you will excuse me, but Miss Darcy asked me to send a note as soon as we arrived.”

  She expected her father to comment on her need to write so soon, but instead, he sat up a little straighter and asked, “Darcy, eh? Any relation?”

  “To whom do you refer, Husband?” her mother asked.

  “The Darcy who owns Netherfield,” her father replied.

  Her mother frowned. “I certainly hope not. That man is no good.”

  “Actually, they are related,” Elizabeth said, “but this Mr. Darcy pays a great amount of attention to his estate. The care he shows for all those who depend upon him is unsurpassed.”

  Her father’s brow furrowed in thought.

  Elizabeth moved her eyes towards the door then back to her father, in the attempt to signal him that they should speak further on this subject in private.

  He nodded.

  “Miss Darcy will worry if I do not write, Papa,” she said. “In fact, her brother asked me to send my letter by Express.”

  “Oh, Mr. Darcy is her brother?” Her mother’s eyes widened. “What is his age?”

  Elizabeth knew the answer since she had seen the dates on the Name Tree. “I believe he is seven and twenty.
”

  Her mother perked up a bit more. “Is he single?”

  Elizabeth blushed and looked down at the paper she had laid on the desk. Goodness! She had forgotten all about her mother’s instructions. Elizabeth had been ordered to become friendly with any lady she happened upon who had a wealthy male relation. Additionally, she was to beg the lady to come to visit her so that the gentleman could meet Jane when he came to collect his sister. Of course, her mother would not forget. For one brief moment, she was tempted to lie, but she could not.

  “I believe Mr. Darcy is unmarried.”

  Her mother smiled brightly. “And when is Miss Darcy coming for a visit?”

  “I did not ask her to visit, Mama.”

  Her mother frowned deeply. “Well, then, you will add the invitation to your letter.”

  She looked at her father. He shrugged. “If you like her, go ahead and invite her, by all means.”

  Elizabeth turned back to her letter.

  She wrote a little about their journey home and the reunion with the family, then hesitated.

  She wanted to see Ana again, but if she invited Ana to Longbourn, her mother would embarrass them all by constantly praising Jane. She would probably arrange for Elizabeth to be kept too occupied to spend much time with Ana, as well. While she did not doubt that Jane and Ana would get along well and would become good friends, the situation could become quite awkward. When Mr. Darcy came to retrieve his sister, her mother would push Jane upon him.

  An uncomfortable feeling rose in Elizabeth’s chest.

  She closed her eyes. Although everyone she knew had always raved over Jane’s attractiveness, Elizabeth had never been upset by living in her shadow before. Why was this any different?

  Memories of Mr. Darcy flooded her mind: his handsome face, his scent, his deep voice, the way the light in his eyes softened when he held her gaze, and the way it made her feel.

  All this time, she had been telling herself that she could never marry Mr. Darcy because her social status was so much lower than his, but if she was honest with herself, it had not prevented her from falling in love with him.

  Her rate of respiration increased.

  Of course, Jane was of the same status as she, but her eldest sister was much more beautiful. What if her mother’s plans came to fruition and he did fall in love with Jane?

  Elizabeth could not blame him if he did. In addition to being the loveliest lady she had ever seen, Jane had the sweetest, most agreeable disposition in the world.

  Would Mr. Darcy overlook the demands of society and, in the end, marry for love? How could Elizabeth survive if her sister married the man she cared for so deeply?

  If she told Jane how she felt about Mr. Darcy, she knew Jane would steer clear of him. But what if by doing so, Elizabeth denied them both happiness?

  Then again, it was also possible they would not suit at all.

  She shook her head. There were too many ifs.

  There was no way to know beforehand.

  Besides, even though it was only three days since she had last seen Ana, she missed her friend.

  She would invite Ana and deal with whatever happened as it unfolded.

  Additionally, it was most likely Ana would not come at all, or at least not any time soon. Her brother wanted her close while he searched for Ana’s new companion, so she would probably need to stay in London for a while.

  Elizabeth finished her letter, inviting Ana for a visit. She sealed it and brought it to Mrs. Hill, the housekeeper, with instructions to send it by Express.

  She would find out soon enough.

  CHAPTER 17

  Later that evening, Elizabeth and Jane were alone in their room. Elizabeth opened her trunk and removed the framed painting she had carefully laid on top. “Ana gave me this watercolour of the view from her bedchamber window. Are not the grounds lovely?”

  Jane nodded. “Miss Darcy is talented.”

  “She is gifted in many areas: painting and drawing. She put me to shame playing the pianoforte. She is a sweet girl. You would like her very much, I think.”

  Jane smiled mischievously. “During the last days of your holiday, your letters were filled more with Mr. Darcy than of Miss Darcy.”

  Elizabeth’s face heated. “Were they?”

  Oh, goodness. How had she become so careless?

  Jane nodded. “I read your letters aloud to the family.”

  “Oh…” Elizabeth’s knees suddenly felt weak. She sat on the edge of the bed.

  Jane’s smile widened. “You know I would not share anything you told me in confidence, dear.”

  Elizabeth placed a hand on her chest and inhaled deeply. “I guess I should be grateful Mama did not ask to read them herself.”

  Jane laughed. “She did. That is why I suggested I read them aloud.”

  “Thank you, Jane.”

  Jane sat next to Elizabeth and took her hand. “So. Will you tell me more about Mr. Darcy?”

  Elizabeth shook her head. “There is not much to tell that you probably do not already know. He is the brother of my new friend, Ana, and owns Pemberley, the estate where Aunt’s sister and her family are tenants. The grounds are beautiful, and they have an impressive manor house.”

  Jane cocked her head to the side and squeezed Elizabeth’s hand.

  “You wish to know how I feel about the gentleman, yes?” She could not say it aloud. Not yet. “I do not know. Time apart from him will reveal that. At least, I assume so.”

  “When you are ready to talk, I will be here.”

  Elizabeth hoped it was merely an infatuation and would slowly fade away to nothing. She could not imagine loving a man who could never return her feelings.

  ~ The following day

  Elizabeth sat before her father’s desk. “You wished to speak to me, Papa?”

  “Mrs. Hill tells me you walked to the Smiths’ farm this morning?”

  She nodded. “Jane told me that Mrs. Smith was much recovered, but I wanted to see her for myself. It was a pleasure to see Mrs. Smith using both arms again, though she seems weaker than she had been before the accident. She was much more cheerful than the last time I saw her. It is a relief. She tells me her children enjoyed playing with the Gardiner children while I was away.”

  “Good, good.” He moved his reading glasses further down his nose and looked over them. “The reason I asked Mrs. Hill to send you in was that you indicated that we should speak about your Mr. Darcy alone.”

  Her eyes opened wide. “My Mr. Darcy?” How could her father know she cared for him?

  His eyebrow raised. “I meant as opposed to Netherfield’s Mr. Darcy.”

  “Oh! Yes, Pemberley belongs to Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy. I happened to bring up Netherfield’s plight with him, and he looked into it. Netherfield is owned by his cousin, a Mr. Huxley Darcy. The two gentlemen do not get along at all. Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy cares for his estate and his tenants, and he works hard to ensure all is well. Aunt Madeline’s sister and brother, and all the other tenants I met, had nothing but good things to say about him. Mr. Darcy visited the Johnstons several times to check on the progress of their health, and he sent two of his servants to assist the family — one in the kitchen and one for field work. His attention is exemplary. In contrast, we well know how Mr. Huxley Darcy feels about his estate.”

  “Since you like Mr. Darcy from Derbyshire, I suppose your impressions were wrong earlier in the year.”

  She tilted her head to the side. “I do not follow you, sir.”

  “When you came home from visiting Charlotte, you said that, from what you heard of him, he was a male version of Lady Catherine de Bourgh.”

  She had forgotten all about that. “Obviously, Lady Catherine does not see Mr. Darcy clearly. I saw no resemblance to her at all, especially in character. Towards the end of my stay, I was invited to Pemberley every day and was treated with the utmost respect. Mr. Darcy is an honourable man, and I have a high opinion of him. He has also promised to do all he can to convince
his cousin Huxley to live up to his responsibilities as a landowner.”

  Her father raised his eyebrows. “I hope he can get somewhere with the gentleman, for none of us can.”

  ~ Six days later, 20 September 1811

  Darcy entered the townhouse and handed off his outerwear to the butler, then went directly to his study. He poured brandy into a tumbler and quickly drank it down. A burning sensation followed it down his throat and into his stomach.

  He always thought that if he were ever forced to spend several hours in the presence of Huxley Darcy, it would drive him to drink. That theory had been proven correct today. He shook his head.

  At least he would never have to do it again.

  Rolling his shoulders, a portion of the tension drained from the muscles of his neck and back. He took a deep, cleansing breath before falling into the chair behind his desk.

  The day had been spent at his solicitor’s reviewing, negotiating, and signing the papers that would finalize his purchase of Netherfield Park. His greedy cousin tried to hold out for more than Darcy wished to pay, but once Darcy would not give in, Huxley agreed to Darcy’s upper limit. To avoid having to spend another minute in Huxley’s company, Darcy signed.

  After all expected repairs were made, Darcy would probably barely break, even when he eventually sold the estate, but he had never intended to profit from this venture. His plans for Netherfield were based on principle, only. In the end, it would be worth it, but he should start right away. The tenants had waited for a responsible master too long already.

  Rising from his chair, he made his way to the housekeeper’s office. The door was open, so he walked in and stood before her desk.

  “Just a moment,” she said and finished making an entry in her ledger without looking up.

  When Mrs. Baker finally did raise her head, an expression of shock crossed her features. She jumped to her feet. “Sir! I did not know it was you.”

  He closed the door. “Please, be at ease, Mrs. Baker. Have a seat. I wish to speak to you about something that cannot be delayed.”